@Black__Elvis: I was a bit upset that the condom I found in my wallet had expired but at the end of the day I'm just glad my wallet practices safe sex.
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@Scigglez: I'll never understand the appeal of TV shows about food. To me that's like listening to the Victoria Secret Fashion Show on the radio.
@SirEviscerate: The 4th little pig built his house into a windmill. The wolf huffed and puffed and generated enough power to last the whole winter.
@Holy_Mowgli: [spelling bee] JUDGE: the word is "semicolon" ME: can you use it in a sentence? JUDGE: not really, no
@tarashoe: A WOMAN: i've only been washing my hair ME: IN THE OFFICE BATHROOM SINK!! ME TOO!! THE WOMAN: once a ME: ONCE I WAKE UP I KNOW SAME ME TOO!!