@JonasPolsky: I was about to commit suicide, but then a Nicki Minaj song came on the radio -- so I committed suicide twice.
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@stevedildarian: CNN is confirming that the only news in the world today is the blizzard. everything else is under control.
@shariv67: My husband said he bought the toupée for me, but then got upset when I put it on. I dont get men.
@theshamingofjay: Forgot my Fitbit because it was charging and now it's like I walked for no reason.
@HatfieldAnne: You in the crosswalk: I stopped for you. I stopped. I'm stopped. I won’t unstop. Don’t look at me. Just walk. Go. For the love of God.