@shariv67: I was bitten by a radioactive vegan, and now I have the power to bore people to death.
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@waydybee: Finally goes to open-mic night. gets on stage. bombs so badly gets arrested for terrorism. #BucketListFails
@Kyle1092: So I neutered my car yesterday "You, what?" Neutered my car "..." It's another word for fixed "I wish I never gave you that thesaurus"
@NintenDom: Just so we're all clear: NASA is getting a direct feed from a robot on Mars, but I still can't make a cell phone call from my basement.
@KattsDogma: U once broke ur toe? I once broke my foot. U had a baby? I had 2 babies. U have a bad back? I have a bad front. I can do this all day, btw.