@TheAlexNevil: I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
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@TheNardvark: Pretty cool that Sarah Connor saved mankind by raw-dogging a total stranger claiming to be a time traveller at the height of the AIDS scare.
@dlockw21: *First Date Her: Why are we at Home Depot? Me: I wanted to see what it's like to pick out bathroom tile with you. See if this is worth it.
@irememberfallin: My phone number is one digit off from a local restaurant's. When I'm in a bad mood, I'll take reservations.
@JamieGreenlees: I don't hate you, but if you we're drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck.