@Prof_Hinkley: I was doing CPR on a co-worker for 5 minutes before someone told me that's just how she laughs
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@TenaciousGrace_: Part of me says, "I can't keep drinking like this." While another says "Don't listen to her, she's drunk."
@NikiWithIssues: Hey person who wrote "WASH ME" on my car, I know it wasn't my car that wrote that. My car doesn't speak English. I'm onto you.
@internetluke: [ordering pizza alone] Yeah I'd like a large pepperoni and *changes voice* A medium sausage *changes voice again* Another large pepperoni