@TheBoydP: I was getting fed up at my job and was considering quitting but they’ve upgraded the toilet paper in the office restroom so I’m good now.
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@sulkywhitegirl: I like how my autocorrect changes "hun" to "Hun," like I'm playfully referring to my girlfriends as barbarous 4th-century European nomads.
@OfficialMizGin: Him: Why do you wear riding boots? You don’t ride horses. Me: Why do you wear sneakers? You don’t sneak.
@FuckabillyRex: Stop talking about being sad. Use a bigger word like despondent so people will at least think you're an intelligent cry baby.