@TheBoydP: I was getting fed up at my job and was considering quitting but they’ve upgraded the toilet paper in the office restroom so I’m good now.
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@jonnysun: hmmm public speakimg clases..? well do u hav private speakimg clases? bc i hav a secret *leans in close to u* I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO WHISPER
@tastefactory: ME: [in front of mirror] Bloody Mary Bloody Mary Bloody Mary *Bloody Mary appears* ME: I'm moving today and need your help BLOODY MARY: Shit
@HousewifeOfHell: Do people who talk on their phones while driving know you can use driving as an excuse to avoid talking on the phone?
@therealeatwood: SATAN: Turn these stones into bread JESUS: No SATAN: Turn them into raspberry swirl cheesecake JESUS: [clenching eyes shut] No