@ShittyComedian: I was having sex with this woman for 10 minutes before I realized it was a man, and then for like 20 minutes after.
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@AnUglyNigga: A horror movie with all black people lmao "Ayo what's going down in ya basement?" "That ain't my business" "I feel ya" *Rolls credits*
@markhoppus: Someone a few houses over is having a party. I can hear the music and laughter and people enjoying themselves. I'm calling the damn cops.
@graceful_asfuck: [Burger Lounge] Server: Are you 27? Me: OMG NO I'M 39 THANK U SO MUCH U MADE MY DAY Server: I meant your order number, ma'am.