@ShittyComedian: I was having sex with this woman for 10 minutes before I realized it was a man, and then for like 20 minutes after.
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@TarzanFeathers: When someone says "The last thing I'd want to do is hurt you", I'm wondering why they have a list of things to do that includes hurting me.
@PaperWash: People without kids: I'll never yell at my kids People with kids: I DONT KNOW WHY SOMEONE SPIT THEIR GUM ON THE ROAD JUST WALK!
@peeznuts: -Give it to me straight doc. -You'll never walk again. -Now give it to me gay. -You'll never stroll merrily down the boardwalk again.
@Jill_Doe_: There are few problems in life that can't be sorted by slowing down, taking a deep breath, and THEN drawing winged eyeliner on a raccoon.