@RidiculousSheri: I was in a gang once. We wore blue, traveled in packs, and ruled our turf with shiny instruments...wait. Band. I was in the marching band.
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@ericsshadow: [my son threatens to run away after I take away his iPad] "Here $60. It's all I have. Call if you need more."
@abhorrent_wife: There is no amount of money I wouldn't pay for a remote control that could walk itself over to me from the other side of the room.
@_GrahamPatrick: [bedroom] TRANSFORMER WIFE: Honey, this is silly. I'd never cheat on you. TRANSFORMER HUSBAND: Okay....hey, when did we get that wardrobe?
@Fazio_N: "What aisle has the milk?" "Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What aisle has the milk?"