@KKAlThani: I was in a good mood when suddenly twitter went down & I ran over a blind man, tasered a baby, killed a puppy & set myself on fire.
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@ranndrew: I don't like the idea of bacteria in my yogurt so I mix it with hand sanitizer. It cuts down on the taste, but I sleep better at night.
@alizmay: Pregnancy test commercials would be a lot more relatable if the women in them cursed and cried.
@caliluvgirl77: If you slowly put your fingers in someone's mouth, they will quit telling you about their day at work.