@AnkCoupleTO: I was in the mood for nuts this morning so I chased a squirrel for 3 miles and the little prick led me right to his stash, yum!
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@KateWhineHall: Me: This is DISGUSTING! WHO PEED ON THE WALL?! 7yo: Not me. I only pee on the floor.
@animaldrumss: You may have the last laugh now, but we'll continue this discussion later when Im alone in my car pretending to be a stupider version of you
@hippieswordfish: absolutely despicable that gingerbread men are forced to live in houses made of their own flesh
@flashember: [Courtroom] Lawyer: It wasn't the fall that hurt you? "No sir, it was...THE GROUND!" *courtroom erupts* *handcuffs are thrown on the ground*