@UnFitz: I was inept with girls in high school. Once I tried to unhook a bra strap and accidentally made a macramé plant hanger.
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@OtherDanOBrien: [Jesus on the cross] *texts with 1 hand* "um dad y hav u 4saken me wtf" *5 hrs pass* "new phone. who dis?"
@Kirinodere: Obama: I'm going to miss living in the White Hou- Biden: DUUUDE look at my roll! Obama: MAAAN is that UR Kotori?
@SufficientCharm: A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
@craydrienne: 1. Pick jeans to wear 2. Pull them up to thighs 3. Pants dance for 3 minutes 4. Take pants off 5. Put sweatpants on 6. Cry, eat pumpkin pie