@Quartzjixler: I was late so I shoved a whole taco into my mouth. It was a sight to behold based on the facial expression of the lady in the adjacent car.
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@litfirebird: Hiring manager: what would you say are your greatest weaknesses? Me: probably men with hairy knuckles. Oh, and a moist pot roast.
@blondecalamity: Me: I baked cookies! Who's the best Mom ever? Son: Oprah! Me: Gimme the damn cookies back! Son: See? Oprah GIVES, she doesn't take!
@Try2StopME: If someone is bothering you with unneccessary calls to your cell number, post their number on eBay with the ad "iPhone 5S for $1 only"
@SuperJuanderer: Me: Weaknesses? Oh, I'd say not relating well to other sentient beings. -I meant about the janitor job. Me: Oh ya, I don't know how to sweep