@Quartzjixler: I was late so I shoved a whole taco into my mouth. It was a sight to behold based on the facial expression of the lady in the adjacent car.
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@rickolantern: Me: Your generation sits around with their noses in their phones Niece: Your generation made the guys who wrote the Macarena rich Me: ...
@TheHyyyype: [creation of insects] LIGHTNING BUG: I will illuminate the night BEE: I will pollinate flowers FLY: I will eat shit and die
@tastefactory: BLIND DATE TIP FOR WOMEN: Throw a fork into the wall behind ur date so he has to turn around, to make sure he doesn't have a hidden ponytail
@iAmDelFreaky: I was overcharged by a plumber! So, I've been secretly training a gorilla to roll barrels at people. Tomorrow, we're kidnapping his girl.