@_NinJar: I was makin out with a cute girl but it got ruined when she ran her hand up my leg and squeezed all the spaghetti out of my pocket
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@jazmasta: Buddy, If you get in a fight with me there'll only be 2 "hits"; You hitting me and my screams of pain hitting 100 decibels.
@RapDescendant: "THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND ME" - KANYE "THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND WEED" - WIZ "THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AT ALL" -B.O.B.
@Rachelnoise: Him: Whatcha thinkin about? Me: How ferrets are like if a cat and a scarf had a baby.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: 911: What's your emergency, sir? Me: I'm being taken away by ducks! I'm being- 911: Please don't do this, sir M: AbDUCKted! 911: *hangs up*