@NicestHippo: I was on my way to commit a heinous act of religiously motivated violence but then I saw a Coexist bumper sticker
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@FilthyRichmond: If you're not supposed to abuse cough syrup then why does it come with a little plastic shot glass?
@WilliamAder: So, on July 4th, one of the hottest days of the year, we're all going to sit outside of our air-conditioned homes and cook over a fire?
@rickolantern: [making yellowjackets] Angel: These things don't really do anything other than sting people God: We're running out of college mascots
@Vodkantots: I bet if that Malaysian plane had stolen tweets, some of you guys would've found it already.