@NicestHippo: I was on my way to commit a heinous act of religiously motivated violence but then I saw a Coexist bumper sticker
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@UGotMeRight: You can catch a decent buzz from smoking catnip but don't be surprised if you wake up on top of the fridge.
@SadieSkyNinja: My spirit animal is a cockroach because I refuse to give up and die. Also I'm sorta crunchy.
@Storminika: I hate it when strangers question me. I'm with my kid, & this lady goes, 'He's cute. Who does he look like?' I'm like, 'Your husband'
@JCWisdomNuggets: Server: Want one of our famous milkshakes? Me: Well, I saw your yard and it was empty. Server: Huh? Me: No boys. Server: Huh? Me: No thanks.