@iAmDelFreaky: I was practicing moves on a stripper pole, when all of a sudden I heard a loud ringing. Then 3 firemen fell from the sky and crushed me.
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@TheDailySchmuck: I'm black but not " can't understand the Winter Olympics" black. Those guys in the ski race are running from cops on a bobsled, right?
@tkhan74: I've been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don't know how to tell her I forgot her name.
@JamieLinks: Have decided Twitter is like a good grandma. Makes dirty jokes, complains a lot, corrects your grammar, tells you who has died.