@shopkins776: I was told you have to wait an hour after you finish eating to swim. I didn't know there was such a thing as an hour after you finish eating
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@whatmaddness: A super villain who foils all your plots, but your plots are just lasagnas and he makes them cook super unevenly.
@ValeeGrrl: Wonder how long it'll take for my pregnant friend to realize that the list of baby name ideas I'm giving her are all just types of lettuce?
@Skullcat: My autopsy is going to be surprising as hell because I am 100% filled with mashed potatoes
@Mike_Wrong: Every time I wear a suit I hear the same five words. "Will the defendants please rise"