@shopkins776: I was told you have to wait an hour after you finish eating to swim. I didn't know there was such a thing as an hour after you finish eating
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@kelkulus: My girlfriend and I are celebrating our anniversary tonight by breaking up six years ago.
@placeswewillgo1: CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don't Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.
@omically: saying "we won" after watching a sports game is like saying "we played really well" after watching a concert
@rolldiggity: If you're in a bar and a newscaster says, "Police report the killer left a small doll at the scene," don't shout, "It was an action figure!"