@Bob_Janke: I was wearing a jean jacket yesterday and a little kid asked me why I made a jacket out of pants and I had no good answer for him
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@NervousJr: The same woman who said "I'm your mom not your friend" has sent me 17 Facebook friend requests.
@relatabledad: no actually it's called an "african-american" eye, bud. and i got it cause someone beat the crap out of me for being too politically correct
@NurseMurderer: Objects in the mirror may appear like you've been depressed and have eaten a lot the last 3 years.
@Manda_like_wine: Always buy 'hand wash only' shirts whenever you want to wear something once and then throw it into a 'hand wash only' basket for 15 years.