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@iinkedZombie: I wasn't snoring..
I was dreaming I'm a dirt bike.
@kumailn: We can find water on Mars but we can't something completely unrelated?
@jonnysun: [taking atendance]
teacher: (sighs) omnipresemt sentinel
omnipresent sentinel: ａｌｗａｙｓ
@SabotagedSmoke: Tried to challenge the guy in the stall next to me to a thumb war, now he's holding my hand & crying about his childhood.
I need to wipe.
@AHMalcolm: Conan: Texas recently had 9 earthquakes in a day. But don’t worry: Scientists are hard at work figuring out exactly what God was angry about
@FrogAvalanche: [Jesus plays hide-n-seek]
Jesus: [exiting cave] Ah, ya found me! Let's play again. Harder this time. Find me now.
[He ascends to Heaven]