@ericsshadow: I wear the same 2 Halloween costumes every year. I start off as a "ghost" and end up as a "drunk ghost that needs a ride home."
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@sexorpizza: Friend: Hey guess what? Me: What? Friend: No, guess! Me: I don't need this friendship that bad.
@thesupergrobi: Stop telling men beards alone will make women love them when everyone knows they need to play the guitar too.
@neiltyson: Don't know whether to be disturbed or enchanted that the word sesquipedalian is onomatopoetic