@ericsshadow: I wear the same 2 Halloween costumes every year. I start off as a "ghost" and end up as a "drunk ghost that needs a ride home."
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@WhatevaConc: [At the register] "Find everything ok?" "No I figured I'd get in line, pay for just a few things, then start the process all over again."
@RandomAntics: He who fights with lobsters must take care not to become a lobster. For when you gaze long into the bisque, the bisque also gazes into you.
@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: Are those Chinos? Me: No. These are my pants. Coworker... Me: Who steals pants?