@RexHuppke: I went into Whole Foods tonight and yelled, "Somebody's Labradoodle just jumped out of a parked Subaru!" and everyone ran out.
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@SarahR_82: I tailgated a cop who pulled out of the doughnut shop so he'd know what it feels like when he follows me from the bars.
@ruinedpicnic: Joe: $400? For ONE night? Innkeeper: It's the honeymoon suite. [outside] Joe: No rooms. Mary: None? Joe: Bummer, huh. That barn looks cosy?
@brianbowman73: Sometimes you have to put your phone down and take a look at what's around you.. And wonder how you drove your car into a swimming pool.
@fightforfood: You can pretty much tell me anything is an anagram and I'll believe it. I'm not about to rearrange a bunch of letters like some doctor