@RexHuppke: I went into Whole Foods tonight and yelled, "Somebody's Labradoodle just jumped out of a parked Subaru!" and everyone ran out.
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@jazmasta: [at Indian restaurant] "Those triangular pastry parcels with the spicy filling were delicious!" "Samosa?" "Oh no thanks, I'm full"
@PanicRestroom: It's like grandma always said... In a car with a sunroof, you have more room for your legs
@leechee420: Listen google, it's 2015. I need you to figure out who I'm talking about when I type "that one guy in that movie I didn't like."