@RexHuppke: I went into Whole Foods tonight and yelled, "Somebody's Labradoodle just jumped out of a parked Subaru!" and everyone ran out.
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@TheMichaelRock: If you're bored, go find someone under the age of 20 and explain beepers to them.
@CharmandBrains: A required corporate training course said to build strong relationships. Also, HR told me it's "inappropriate" to kiss strangers.
@LorieGZ: I ordered a pair of shoes delivered to my house. I'm too excited to wait at home so I'm camping out at the end of my street. Send snacks?
@eliyudin: I spent so much time bowling as a kid that the first time I fingered a girl I accidentally threw her down the hallway