@Home_Halfway: I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.
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@ericsshadow: [first date] HIM: Can I call you sometime? HER: [slowly slides napkin over phone] You can't... I lost my phone
@IamEnidColeslaw: welcome to Olive Garden! when you're here, you're family. sit up straight. have you gained weight? why can't you be more like your sister
@garrydavenport: "We've been doing this for years, I simply can't be bothered thinking up another long scientific name. Drink?" - people who named the fly.