@Home_Halfway: I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.
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@Uniquicorn: *Joe Biden nibbles Obama's ear* - Please stop it *Joe whispers* Say it - No go away *angrily whispers* Say it! - ...please stop Biden my ear
@LindaInDisguise: Me: When I was lying in bed, I found this huge lump. I need it removed. Doctor: Ma'am, that's your husband. Me: And your point is...?
@eyeswidebutt: me: SHOW ME WHERE IT SAYS `NO CATS ALLOWED' thats not a cat its a king cobra & it just went into the ballpit me: Bitey loves kids doe
@Brampersandon_: WIFE: Did you buy eggs? ME: Even better. I bought a goat. W: How is that better? M: *stares confusedly for a full minute* How is it not?