@ParkerTheKing: I will do a lot of things but admiting I'm cold to my mom when she told me to bring a jacket is not one.
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@astutenewf: *boss at staff meeting* Hey, do you have anything positive to add to this meeting? Yeah, I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.
@NicestHippo: [Crate and Barrel job interview] "So why do you want to work here?" DONKEY KONG [sweating]: I love interior design
@aligarchy: SUBWAY EMPLOYEE: would you like your receipt? ME: no thank you i don't want any proof that i've eaten here