@Bandersnaaatch: I will love you 'til the end of time, or until my blood alcohol level normalizes, whichever comes first.
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@KizerBillhelm: HR says I'm not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(
@PeterKlesken: Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at Victoria's Secret] *folding panties on table* "Sir, where are the fitting rooms?" Oh, I don't work here. *continues folding panties*