@Bandersnaaatch: I will love you 'til the end of time, or until my blood alcohol level normalizes, whichever comes first.
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@noog: God: Don't eat that Apple. You can smoke this plant I made instead [20 min later] Adam: Sooo hungry Eve: Me too Adam: That apple looks good
@VanVeenB: Tried pushing her against the wall to kiss her like all you guys suggested. Put her head right through the drywall. Goddam cheap motels.
@AllyBallyBeal: Colleague: want some popcorn? Keeps you young and beautiful like me Me: Really? Looks to me you should've been eating a hell of a lot more
@envydatropic: If you arrive home, it's not a holiday, and your driveway is full of family member's cars, keep going.......It's an intervention