@moose_chocolate: I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating the entire box of donuts.
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@Area51eh: Girlfriend mentioned she was lacking iron in her diet.nnnI gave her all my wrinkled shirts.nnnAnd that's how the fight started.
@JamesonN7: Lawyers out there, if I see any of my Tweets being used on Comedy Central can I sue..... Oh you don't think that will ever be an issue, okay
@Shock_Monster: If life had a 'CTRL + ALT + DEL' option, you bet your ass I'd be hitting that thing about 14 times a day.
@iheartgunts: Phil Collins' "In The Air Tonight" is the best ever song about a silent but deadly fart.