@moose_chocolate: I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating the entire box of donuts.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: How was your first day of school? 5-year-old: Long. Me: I'm sure tomorrow will be better. 5-year-old: Wait, I have to go back?
@AndyAsAdjective: people said my days of misquoting famous idioms were over but I'm like a phoenix rising from molasses
@jonnysun: a cool magic trick woud be if a magiciam puts their hand in a hat & sombody wearin a hat in the audience sudenly feels a hand on their head