@Schmoodles: I will totally judge you based on your choice of breakfast cereal, you unfrosted weirdo.
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@LimeyTheGreat: Went out to dinner last night & the hostess asked me "Where would you like to sit?" I replied "preferably on a seat." #accomplished
@KKAlThani: Just banged my toe on a table & kept moaning in pain so much that I made a new Coldplay song.
@slyoung5: Just want to apologize to all the unlucky women that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped him.
@WilliamAder: If you want sparkling, sophisticated conversation, catch me early in the month, before I've used up my ten free New York Times articles.