@ChemBtwnUs: I win all of my breakups by not getting fat.
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@ThisOneSayz: "So I go east? Then west? Then back east?" ~ Me, drunk and getting directions from the inflatable stick figure in front of a car dealership
@kelter1: Pharrell Williams put out a fire on Kim Kardashian's dress this week. Dude is really taking that Smokey the Bear hat of his to heart.
@SteveSuckington: Lionel Richie: I'm easy like Sunday morning Sunday morning: wow I'm right here
@purplefuzzygirl: I don't get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work... There's never any left when he comes home. Idiot.