@WoodyLuvsCoffee: I wish cats came with a counter that told you what life they were on. Number 8 kitty? Maybe you need to work on that attitude.
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@Thynebear: [Obamacare Meeting] *Biden raises hand* *Obama sighs* Yes Joe? Will the doctor still have lollipops? Sure. *Entire Congress sighs w/ relief*
@KeetPotato: *1st date* [be cool, just dont let her know youre a 1st generation PS3] so where do y- *internal cooling fan drowns out entire conversation*
@XplodingUnicorn: [playing the board game Guess Who] Me: Is your person handsome? 5-year-old: No, they look like you.
@jergarl: My wife says I was wasted last night and honestly I don't think she's buying my story about having to be naked to guard the neighbors porch.