@KentWGraham: I wish I could be like my cable company’s customer service line and make people press 37 different numbers before they can talk to me.
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@certifiable_end: My imagination ran away with me, but we're both out of shape and didn't get very far.
@EndhooS: "If anyone has any objections, speak now or- SHES LITERALLY A BANANA Groom: IS THIS TRUE EMMA? Best man: I f'kin KNEW she bruised too easily
@lisaxy424: Based on how he reacts, you'd think my dog's entire family was killed by pizza delivery guys.
@thenatewolf: Women are so confusing, one day they say they love hummus and then the next day they say it’s a bad birthday present.