@trashtastica: I wish I could feed people I don't like to my cat.
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@WheelTod: If your kid is having nightmares & keeps getting in bed with you in the night, a great solution is to go to sleep in full clown makeup.
@CorkyCrash: I'm happiest when people tell me "Don't be a hero" because there's absolutely no way I'm going to disappoint them.
@ojedge: [feeding baby Malaysian food] "Here comes the plane" *makes plane noises* *spoon just disappears*
@HomeProbably: Top 3 times you should never play with a woman's hair: 1) When she's angry. 2) Just had a haircut. 3) If you don't know her.