@Rollinintheseat: I wish I could replace my central nervous system with a central confidence system.
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@AdderallMomma: Nobody warned me that my child could possibly develop an attitude similar to mine.
@CrazyUncIeJoe: How girls put on their pants: *Left leg*, *Right leg*, '' Wiggle*, *Wiggle*, *twerk*, *Jump*, *Jump*, *Squat*, *Stretch* Done.
@iAmDelFreaky: Every time I eat a banana in public, a stranger offers me money to do it in private. I ate 32 bananas today & made $725. I have diarrhea.