@jackiembouvier: I wish I had remembered this was a rectal thermometer before I'd put it in my mouth for 3 minutes.
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@ItsAndyRyan: "How come Americans write the month first?" "That's how you say it, month first" "What's the date today" "It's the fourth of July"
@NotKevinSheedy: 911 - 911 what's your emergency Me - I am Australian and I watch too much American TV 911 - .... Me - I don't know our emergency number
@simoncholland: My wife said we would save money on Halloween candy if we bought it at Aldi so I guess we're handing out Twicks, Skattles, and 4 Musketeers.
@kellyoxford: "Please add your phone number to secure your acct." Facebook is now the Nigerian Prince.