@okaypup: I wish I was from Finland so when people asked if I was Finnish I could say "no, in fact, I'm just getting started"
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@RealPrincessKim: Find a group doing river baptisms. Release LSD into the water upstream. Bring friends in devil costumes. Cavort and frolic on the riverbank.
@LlamaInaTux: "They say time is linear but it repeats itself. For example, I just got dumped again. Same girl. Were stuck on a loop, and when-" *the man grating parmesan stops* "No, that wasn't a 'when' for you, keep going."
@JimmerThatisAll: People who say "in and of itself" are responsible for most of the trouble in the world.
@KentWGraham: Get your employees to work harder by “accidentally” leaving articles on the printer about reducing staff.