@idiosity: I wish I was poplar. No, that's not a typo. I wish I was a tree.
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@TheCiscoKidder: Sorry I unfollowed you on Instagram, but you take at least 10 pics of your face everyday. I don't even look at my wife that much.
@joemcshutup: Taylor Swift told Vanity Fair she's not a "clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend" through various voicemails and texts at 3 AM
@seandunn76: "What about this? What about this? And this?"--me, taunting museum curator MC Hammer.