@idiosity: I wish I was poplar. No, that's not a typo. I wish I was a tree.
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@Parentpains: If you didn't want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
@iwearaonesie: wife [text] I'm so proud of you for sticking to your diet me [can't respond because there's powdered donut on my fingers]
@shutupmikeginn: The Whole Foods next to this movie theater is perfect if you want to sneak in your own snacks, but don't want to save a lot of money.
@UncleDuke1969: “You gotta try the lobs-” - I’ll should tell you… “Yes?” - We’re not having sex. “OK.” - What were you saying? “The chicken here’s great.”