@shutupmikeginn: I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, 'change color and escape in a cloud of ink'
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@Phook75: If you're able to read this, thank a teacher! If you can do busy work while wasted and watch an unrelated video, thank a substitute teacher!
@Underchilde: If hearing “I love you” was enough, we’d all buy parrots and live happily ever after.
@ArfMeasures: DOCTOR: Don't be embarrassed. Taking trousers off is normal for a prostate exam. ME: Err yeah I guess. Should I take mine off too?
@gorrdano: How bout I hold a toaster over you while you're in the tub, and you tweet something that doesn't make me drop it.