@shutupmikeginn: I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, 'change color and escape in a cloud of ink'
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@NervousJr: The same woman who said "I'm your mom not your friend" has sent me 17 Facebook friend requests.
@panmidwest: GF: just FYI, my dad teaches at the Naval Academy [meeting her parents] ME: [lifting up shirt] does my belly button look weird to you?
@writerPT: 5yo: OMG I'M STARVING I NEED TO EAT I'M GONNA DIIIIIEE!! *eats 3 fries* 5yo: Can I be done?
@MarcusTheToken: Always carry a newspaper or magazine so you appear to be preoccupied. - stalker handbook page 2 paragraph 3