@shutupmikeginn: I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, 'change color and escape in a cloud of ink'
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@Deurb1: The lady in front of me wearing yoga pants keeps bending over to pick up quarters, hope she will for dimes too, as I'm out of quarters.
@Try2StopME: My girlfriend started complaining about my lack of interest in her family. So I dated her sister..
@13spencer: If the headline just read "Kanye West Acts Like a Shithead," news sites could reuse it over and over again.
@RitleySammich: I just saved a whole bunch of money on my car insurance by hacking into State Farm's main server and deleting the 4 DUIs.