@IamEnidColeslaw: I WISH I WERE PAC-MAN SO WHEN I GOT UPSET I COULD EAT SOME CHERRIES & EVERYONE AROUND ME WOULD TURN INTO GHOSTS
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@primawesome: I pet my dog and he didn't wag his tail. Is he seeing someone else? Is the magic gone? Do we need to spice things up? I'll dress like a cat.
@bonehugsnirony: A robot steals your job. It hurts, but that's how the economy works. Nothing personal. The robot starts texting your wife.
@WheelTod: Anytime I go to the doctors I feel so ripped off. Whatever my complaint is, it's always the same damn advice: "Lay off the methamphetamine."