@Beerhaze: I wish it were okay for a guy to carry a purse because there is only so much banana bread that I can fit in my wallet.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Attention crazy man on the subway: this is God. Please start telling everyone else in the car what I'm saying to you.
@valentinebaby82: Answering all the 'how r u' DM's with 'I got my period' is going surprising well
@fanofhell: Doctor: what seems to be the problem? Me: I need to be docted Doctor: you came to the right place. I'm a doctor. I doct people
@ieatanddrink: Think I nailed my job interview today because I wore a graduation cap to make it look like I graduated high school