@Beerhaze: I wish it were okay for a guy to carry a purse because there is only so much banana bread that I can fit in my wallet.
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@backporchlady: Asking me if I want a bag for the box of tampons I just bought is like asking me if they're for here or to go.
@GashleyMadison: I love playing catch with my dogs when I'm drunk, because I don't have dogs when I'm sober.
@DumbConfessions: Had sex in a kiddie pool full of jam once. *pops jean jacket collar* I got marmalaid.
@ibid78: Lemme get this straight: you take my tonsils, I get free ice cream [dr] yup what other parts of me will you take in exchange for ice cream