@3sunzzz: I wish Jehovah Witnesses were Jojoba Witnesses and they only stopped by to watch you put on their complimentary hand cream.
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@Reverend_Scott: Trainer: what are your goals? Me: to pet all the dogs Trainer: no, fitness goals Me: to be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs
@ieatanddrink: I used to think I could control ducks with my mind but it turns out ducks & I just have very similar ideas about what stuff ducks should do
@Reverend_Scott: [first date] HER: So, I hear you're a dog person- ME: [tucking my tail between my legs] WHO TOLD YOU