@3sunzzz: I wish Jehovah Witnesses were Jojoba Witnesses and they only stopped by to watch you put on their complimentary hand cream.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Confession: the entire time when I was forming the earth, I was using asteroids.
@ItsAndyRyan: "We've been blessed with a second son, another prince" "I hope he doesn't grow to resent his older brother, Mufasa, who one day will be king" "Let's call him Scar"
@MarlonBrandNO: [First Date] "Okay don't let her know you're a tool shed" Waiter: Anything to drink? Date: a screwdriver please *My head slowly opens*
@JediGigi: People whose TL is only quotes from famous people---You do realize you're not a desk calendar, right?