@KentWGraham: I wish my wife was one of those government agents who aren’t allowed to talk about what they did at work all day.
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@tartadepollo: I asked this homeless lady if I could take her home. She said yes, so I walked off with her cardboard box.
@ArfMeasures: CUTE GIRL IN BAR: *walks up, points to my empty glass* Want another? ME: (OK don't blow this) Sure *she hands me her empty glass & leaves*
@truegritrumble: DATE: Let’s go to your place. ME: We'll take my car *pulls out Hot Wheels car* DATE: ... ME: Just kidding. DATE: Oh, thank God. ME: I don’t have a place. I'm homeless.