@KentWGraham: I wish my wife was one of those government agents who aren’t allowed to talk about what they did at work all day.
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@briangaar: Girl can I ask you a question *gets down on one knee* would you like to make $8,000 a week working from home
@envydatropic: Friends don't let friends drive drunk but I don't want them staying at my house And that's why Uber was created
@KeetPotato: accountant: "youre basically broke" wife: "he keeps spending money on stupid stuff" me: "lets ask the dog if he thinks his jeans are stupid"
@Robert_Beau: At the motel: Front Desk: And here's your key card sir .. Me: I'd like a wakeup call. FD: You're 20 lbs. overweight and your fly's open.