@RorynotRoy: I wish someone would hold me and tell me that everything is gonna be okay and then just kinda turn into like $20,000 in cash.
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@blaudiablogan: Guy asked me where I got my green eyes. Great! Now I have to explain what the Vikings did when they got to Sicily.
@ImABaconDonut: 5: I went potty. Me: Did you remember to wipe this time? 5: No. Me: Why? 5: It's faster my way. I don't know how to counter that argument.
@AimeeHelene1: My diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can't stuff your face when you're sleeping.