@pakalupapito: I wish that my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
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@Smooheed: 'Sorry officer but how was I to know that weird noise my car was making was a bicycle stuck in my mudflap?'
@loneblockbuster: Get pissed all you want but if we brought a screaming baby into your workplace you would ask us to leave it outside too.
@thenamesmikeG: The weirdest thing just happened. I had Cancer, then 15 people on Facebook were brave enough to change their statuses, & now I'm cured.