@UNTRESOR: I wish there was some sort of idiom to describe how easily I just took that lollipop from that infant.
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@JasonLastname: They say 9 or 10 is a good age to tell your kid they were adopted, but only IF they were adopted.
@theresa_lauren: "Yes, I'm still single and underemployed, but at least I'm not MARRYING CHARLES MANSON" --women at family holiday gatherings from now on
@RxitWounds: [Auto-shop class] "Cody, for the last time, it's still a carburetor even when it's in a van" *raises hand* "Or a truck" *lowers hand*
@bobvulfov: absolutely disgusting that we as a society are still okay with people making hats out of cowboys