@UNTRESOR: I wish there was some sort of idiom to describe how easily I just took that lollipop from that infant.
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@weinerdog4life: The cops said 911 was for emegencies only and not for me to report suspicious looking clouds.
@JessObsess: I just wish I was rich enough to be able to throw all of the pots and pans away after I cook.
@omerwahaj: Cop (catches me with a bag of marijuana, a dead duck and a dead crow): Sir, what were you doing? Me: Killing two birds while being stoned.