@MensHumor: I wish this was real life...
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@UnFitz: My body is a temple. My mind is a comedy club. My apartment is a landfill. My car is a fast food restaurant. I could do this all day.
@Sanbel11: Stuck in traffic but luckily few people are beeping their horns so we'll be moving any second now.
@iwearaonesie: me: they're having a special, buy 3 dvds get 1 free wife: so why do you have 4 space jam's? me: ...because it's buy 3 get 1 free
@jwoodham: INTERVIEWER: If Harry Potter was real, what Hogwarts house would you be in? ME: What do you mean "if" Harry Potter was real?