@shegotagronk: I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
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@RexHuppke: My wife said the infinity scarf I got her is too small and I said: "That's mathematically impossible." Anyhoo, we're divorced now.
@MartaEffing: Between bank balances, my weight and age, math makes me more emotional than I ever thought possible.
@Emonalisha: If you piss me off in the grocery store I will get in line in front of you and pay for a single banana with a personal check
@WilliamAder: Why hang Wanted posters in the post office? We're not crime-fighting crusaders. We're buying stamps.