@shegotagronk: I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
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@midnightwhale: [police station] "sir you get one phone call." [calls 911] "hello 911 what's your emergency?" yeah a bunch of pricks are holding me hostage.
@TheTweetOfGod: Your life flashes before your eyes right before you die. It takes an average of 70-80 years.