@realHamOnWry: I woke this morning to find Mr.Mittens on the bed staring at me with a look that said 'You're a mouth breather, and I'll never respect you'
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@WildeThingy: Me: so I'm delusional? Doctor: yes. Me: and you're a delusion? Doctor: yes. Me: I want a second opinion. Pink Dragon: you're delusional.
@MrsMikePatton: I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
@joshgondelman: My girlfriend and I are thinking about adopting a dog because we've had no luck trying to have one naturally.
@Rollmaninoz: Coworker: you play any sports Me: yeah but I've had to take a break from it CW: oh..Injury? Me: *thinks about broken controller* yeah..kinda