@MableGertrude: I wonder how many people come visit our country and then immediately leave after trying a slice of American cheese.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: me: remember how i was talking about getting a xylophone [doctor holds up my x-ray] where the hell are your ribs? me: im trying to tell you
@Adam_Kingsnorth: The soul weighs 21 grams. We know this because the Jurassic World film reels are 21 grams lighter than Jurassic Park
@jonnysun: "to my son, i leave my bathroom scale" the lawyer sighs "because where theres a will, theres a weigh. to my wife, i leave my last high five"