@MableGertrude: I wonder how many people come visit our country and then immediately leave after trying a slice of American cheese.
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@Tmoney68: Look, if I offer you a bite of my calamari, you're bound to offer me a bite of your food. Legally, it's known as Squid Pro Quo.
@Beerhaze: Having a wife and daughters, I try bottles in the shower until I find one that doesn't burn my balls and wash myself all over with that one.
@DaddyJew: 5: daddy can I tell you a secret? Me: sure thing buddy 5: *grabs my face and whispers* I just pooped and I didn't wash my hands
@Schmoodles: I finally decided to unfollow someone who hasn't tweeted in a year. They'll probably come back tomorrow & make me look like a real c**t.