@MableGertrude: I wonder how many people come visit our country and then immediately leave after trying a slice of American cheese.
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@WhiskeySoured: Are these the Americans? No. Are these the Americans? No. Are these the Americans? No. - watching the Olympics with my wife
@VaguelyFunnyDan: (Arrives in rescue boat to aid sinking cruise ship full of today's pop artists, saves only Lorde and Sia, speeds away)
@Book_Krazy: TEACHER: Its report card day Timmy TIMMY: I'm scared to look. TEACHER: Don't worry. It's all B's lol *opens it & gets engulfed by bees*
@gazg74: I'd totally shake what my momma gave me but abandonment issues aren't really a tangible physical manifestation.....