@JennyPentland: I wonder if caterpillars know they're gonna fly some day or they just start building a cocoon and are like 'why am I doing this'.
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@SteveStfler: Biden: Ok here's the plan: have you seen Home Alone Obama: Joe, no Biden: Just one booby trap Obama: Joe
@bea_ker: That's the third time Adam Sandler's scootered past my house this morning. Dude if you want to go on my trampoline just ask
@LostCatDog: Cop leans over body: Looks like *removes shades* cement poisoning Or a case *removes mustache* of gravity Or *removes teeth* aaah gaah bwaa