@JennyPentland: I wonder if caterpillars know they're gonna fly some day or they just start building a cocoon and are like 'why am I doing this'.
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@iGreenMonk: Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
@GavinProbably: How did Hitler tie his shoes? In knotsies. (The unfollow button is only a click away)
@TheTweetOfGod: The only way to make conservatives feel threatened by climate change is to convince them the climate is gay.