@JennyPentland: I wonder if caterpillars know they're gonna fly some day or they just start building a cocoon and are like 'why am I doing this'.
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@philco816: Mob Boss: I need you to smoke this guy. Me: Ok, that takes 8-12 hours for a turkey though. Mb: I don't care just get it done.
@sofarrsogud: ME: Yeah, I've heard that movie. FRIEND: You mean 'seen' that movie. ME: Ha ha. No! I'm on twitter. I haven't seen a movie in 3 years.
@cuntyfruitbats: Here Here Here Here Here Here Here -1 sided text conversation between me and my 18yo daughter because all I do is pick her up from places.
@Tmoney68: Top advice for résumés: Be VERY careful with placement of dashes. Ex. - First-hand job experience = good. First hand-job experience = bad.