@howe007: I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "hey, that one over there is shaped like an alcoholic".
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@Jenny4ashley: Boss: Are you high? Me: If I was high could I do this? *teleports two inches to the right*
@mishakey: How come when my kid wants to show me something, she has to place it directly inside my cornea?
@Chumpstring: FRIEND: if i buy a giant iguana will people respect me? ME: no FRIEND: they'd stop making fun of my ponytail ME: they'd pretty much have to
@NoTheOtherJohn: Me: *Rubbing Chin* Why am I always hungry 30 mins after I eat Chinese food? Chin: [pushing my hand away}I dunno man I just deliver the food.