@sammyrhodes: I wonder if girls got mad on dates in the 1700?s because guys kept checking their treasure maps.
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@zachreinert03: A good friend bails you out of jail, a best friend is sitting in the cell right next to you, a worst friend framed both of you for murder.
@Priscilla_YEAH: Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that's why he doesn't want to shake your hand".
@Sal0630: Sorry I pissed on the walls of your bathroom, but the flowery wall paper made me think I was outside.. Also you're out of Valium
@garrydavenport: I name photos of me stroking animals in files called "Fireworks and big dogs.jpg" so my cats won't find them on my computer.