@PrettyInCamo11: I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor and think, "I'd tap that."
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@FauxFawx: [on a date with a caribou as a favor to my sister] me: so...did you like the movie? caribou: *knocks over candy display & tramples 3 kids*
@GrantTanaka: Waitress: Can I take this out of the way for you? Me: [glances at wife] uh…sure Wife: SHE MEANS THE PLATE, IDIOT
@Book_Krazy: Me: Well hello again. I knew you'd be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave