@DurtMcHurtt: I wonder what "don't touch" is in Braille.
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@Brampersandon_: WIFE (noticing lipstick on my collar): have you been kissing another woman? ME: uhh MY DOG (with bright pink lips): go on, tell her
@SortaBad: Age 15: I wanna live in a mansion Age 25: Ok a big house, in a nice neighborhood Age 35: *googles 'Best Months to Live Outside'*
@JediGigi: I've been ill with night terrors, nausea, dizziness, hunger pains, cry fits, and a stutter. According to Web MD, I have a date tonight.